I Feel Like I'm Falling in Love Again (on the other side of chaos)

Perhaps this post is just for me.  Just to document the journey.  Just to capture and remember the ebb and flow of my life...my relationship with Jesus.  I could type this in my journal, but for whatever reason, I feel that He wants me to type it here.  So, here I am.

I don't know why we go through some of the things we do in life.  Whether it's simply His sovereignty that determines that? or the enemy?  or perhaps our disobedience?  Or, did I miss a direction that He was giving me?  Like, was I supposed to take a left turn in Albuquerque, and I didn't, so I ended up on some sort of wrong path?

All I know is, the last few years have been different....not in a good way.

The demands of my job, as well as the duties of my job, were sucking the life out of me.   I couldn't get a grip.  I couldn't rise above it.  No matter how determined I was to set my will to have a great attitude, and to set my eyes on Christ, I couldn't seem to keep my attitude great or to keep my eyes on Christ...though I tried with all my might...and then tried some more.

It was life interuppted. Seemingly chaos.  My normal day in day out positive attitude that I had always had, seemed to be bulldozed into oblivion.

I had walked for YEARS experiencing Jesus throughout my day, but now because my days were cluttered with chaos, it was as if I couldn't find Him through the maze of the mess.  The One I have built my life on, the One who loves me more than anyone, I couldn't seem to locate.  At least not on any consistent basis...

"So where has this love of yours gone, fair one.  Where on earth can He be?  Can we help you look for Him?"  Song of Solomon 6:1

And oddly enough, at the time when my daily life seemed the most cluttered and messed up, He was "using" me in ministry, and growing my ministry more than ever.  

Leading worship at church week in week out.  Leading worship at women's conferences around the country.  Having the privilege to minister with many Women of Faith and Proverbs 31 Speakers.  I'm not trying to be boastful, that's simply where He had me.  

I loved serving Him in this manner.  The women's conferences, in particular were places where I would feel His presence.  Feel energized.  Refreshed.  Even though I was serving and there to refresh others, I found this to be true...

"He who refreshes others will Himself be refreshed..."  Proverbs 11:25

But then I'd come back home to the daily grind.  Chaos.  Clutter.

In the daily space, I literally had come to a point where I felt like I had lost myself.  I was no longer the person I used to be.  I was at my wits end, primarily because my daily job no longer suited me.  But the effects of the daily grind overflowed into every area of my life.  My family.  My ministry (primarily weekly worship leading at FCC). And my relationship with Christ.

In one fell swoop, God seemingly changed courses for me.  He began to speak to me about my job, and our church.  In one weekend, the same weekend, He had me resign from my jobs.  Both my daily job where I made money, and my worship leading "job".

He moved me to a new job, and a new church.

He gave me respite.  He cleared the clutter from my brain.  He allowed me to settle in with Him, and settle, I've done.  Rekindling the flame for my passion for Christ and all that He has purposed for me.

I feel like I am falling in love again. 

"I'm my beloved's and He is mine."  Song of Solomon 6:3

All this to say, if you're overwhelmed with the craziness and chaos of life and can't seem to rise above it, I "get" it.  I've been there too, and it's no fun.

My suggestions would be, CARVE out time for Christ.  Whether you feel Him speaking to you or not, stay faithful to meeting with Him. (sometimes the clutter blocks the way of us being still and able to hear His voice).  Trust that He has purpose in your chaos.  Pray to see if there is anything you should change, or that He can change for you.  Breathe deep.  Lean on Him with your whole being.

While in the mess, I felt God stirring me to both write and record songs.  Songs that ministered to me in the mess.  Which is the whole reason I made my CD "Breath of Life".  Simple songs of worship from the mess of life.

Whatever the reason for my own particular chaos....I'm glad I'm on the other side, and I find myself more "guarded" than ever.  A healthy "guarded", saying yes to only the things that I feel Him telling me to say "yes" to, and dismissing all else to someone else's area to serve.

I said yes to writing this blog post, and yes to posting this song.  For Him, and for You.  I pray that if you're overwhelmed by life, that God will meet you in the mess as you listen...

Sometimes it takes Pain, to have Gain.

Once upon a time a bird was in our garage...

It would not fly out.

I grabbed a broom and tried to navigate the bird in the right direction.  I remember thinking that he probably thought I was trying to kill him.

After all, put yourself in the bird's place. A human is coming after you with a broom, or so it would appear. But in reality, I was only trying to direct it to freedom.

pause.

We're currently facing a situation with our youngest son.  He has had some issues with anxiety.  He's done exceptionally well at navigating through many of the issues that "trigger" anxiety for him, but there's one area left that we are trying to guide him through.

We've tried gentleness.  And counseling.  And prayer.  And understanding.  And now we've gone to tough love.

Last night as we were working through some things I said, "I know it seems like I'm against you right now, but I'm not.  I am FOR you.  You will thank me when we get to the other side and you find freedom."

Trust me in this.

And so it is with God.  He loves us too much to leave us as we are.  He knows that HIS ways are the only ways that will lead us to the abundant life that He has promised us.  Sometimes the road to "freedom", the road to "change" is bumpy. I'm not smart enough to know why that is...I just know it is.

for instance:

it typically takes someone offending us (painful) before we learn how to overcome an offense (freedom)

it takes someone hurting us (painful) before we learn how to forgive (freedom)

it takes facing your fears (painful) before we learn how to trust Him in all things (freedom)

Are you walking through something right now??  What is the pain? and what is the potential freedom?

As you enter the New Year, may you walk with Him.  Closely.

I don't know about you, but through the good, the bad, the adventure, the risk, life's twists and turns, the unexpected, the expected....I want to trust Him in all things.

"My help and glory are in God...granite-strength and safe-harbor-God...So TRUST him absolutely, people; lay your lives on the line for Him.  God is a safe place to be."  Psalm 62:7-8

We're Wired to Respond to Encouragement, but what if no one is encouraging us...

It seems they haven't  been playing quite up to par.  As if you know they have more in them, but it's not coming out.   I'm speaking of the Lions Varsity Volleyball team.  I'm not criticizing them, at all.  It just seems they haven't gotten off to a great start.

I asked Maren after Monday night's game, "Do you think you all are playing as aggressive as you can?"

"I don't think so"  she replied.

Me, "why is that?"

Maren, "the crowd is not encouraging us."

"well...it seems a little off base to be blaming the crowd for your losses don't you think?"  I chuckled.

"that's not what I mean" Maren replied.

She went on to explain that all of their games, thus far, have been "away" games.  It's a different "feel" than home games.  When the announcer introduces the "away" team, he does so in a monotone voice.  But when you're the home team, you run out to loud upbeat music, the announcer introduces you with MUCH enthusiasm, the crowd goes wild, and the team gets EXCITED!  pumped up!!  and ready to play!

Once she explained this, I totally understood it.  Not that it's a great excuse, but it does make sense.  We RESPOND when others encourage us.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says for us to ENCOURAGE one another and to BUILD each other up.

It's important.  We need to speak encouraging words to each other.

But what if we don't have someone there to encourage us?  Do we just walk around hanging our head and have a pity party?

We could, but I'm not sure that would benefit anyone, especially ourselves.

When no one is there to encourage us, I think we should follow David's example.  His people were upset with him, they were far from encouraging him, in fact what they wanted to do was stone him.  David was at the lowest of lows and he knew he needed to have a different outlook.  So what did he do when no one else would encourage him?

"David encouraged himself in the Lord His God" 1 Samuel 30:6 KJV

He worshipped the Lord.  Sought Him.  And in doing so, the Lord strengthened Him, revived Him.  It's more than David "willing" himself to be encouraged, it's submitting yourself to the One who is all powerful, forever capable, and able to do exceedingly more than all we could ask or imagine.  It's about believing that.  Getting excited about that.  Getting pumped up about that....and thus we become GREATLY encouraged!

I pray that you always have someone who will encourage you.  But if you don't have a crowd cheering you on, may you know that the God of all creation IS cheering you on!  That He is FOR YOU!  That His plans are to prosper you!  And that with Him, all things are possible.

Fear and Negotiations from Genesis 18 and 19

The drama.   The love.  The relationship.  The lies.  All the stuff that makes up today's soap operas. Well, who am I fooling, all the stuff that makes up our lives today, we find in  Genesis 17, 18 and 19.

It's impossible to touch on every point, the intermingling of God and man is so detailed...so deep.  But I want to share some things that I love about these chapters and some things that I ponder over, mull over, wonder about.

Some things that I love are, how the relationship with God and Abraham is so. very. real.  I love that God speaks a "timeline" to Abraham pertaining to when He will have a son.

 "About this time next year you will have a son..."

And he not only says it once, but twice, almost as if to confirm to Abraham.  Because we're like that right?  In our human-ness.  We hear God, but we seek confirmation.  I like it that God OFTEN gives confirmation.

I also like that Abraham could express his feelings to God.  Negotiate even.  For right after God speaks of Abe having a son, he then moves on to,

"and by the way, we're on our way to Sodom and Gomorrah, to, well, basically, destroy the city."

 God had heard the cries of the victims there.  The city was vile.  Steeped in sin.  God was going to see if it was indeed as bad as He thought it was, and if so...He was going to destroy it.

Abraham literally steps in front of God and begins saying,

 "but what if there are GOOD people in this bad city??  Will you save it on behalf of the good people???"

If you've never read this, believe me, it's worth the read.  click here.

Long story short, God says that yes, if he finds good people there, He'll save the city.

However, He gets there, and it's just as bad as He thought it was.  He destroys the city.  All but Lot, Abraham's nephew, and Lot's wife and two daughters.

God tells Lot to gather his wife and daughters, get out of the city, head to the mountains, and don't look back.  Lot, however, is too fearful to go to the mountains.  So, he "negotiates" with God to  seek protection in a nearby town instead.  On the way to that town, Lot's wife looks back and turns into a pillar of salt. So, she's gone.  And oddly enough, even though they went to the nearby city, in the end, they end up in the mountains anyway.

In the mountains, the two daughters fear that their family line will end, for it is just the two of them and their father living in a cave.  SO, they come up with this wise plan to get their dad drunk, sleep with him and become pregnant so that their family line will continue.  One daughter gave birth to a son and named him Moab, the ancestor of the Moabites.  The other daughter had a son and named him Ben Ammi, the ancestor of the Ammonites.

Here are the things I ponder.  Mull over.  Wonder about.

Abraham "standing" in the way of God and "negotiating" as God heads to Sodom and Gomorrah.  If not for Abraham would God have saved Lot?  For it says this in Genesis 19:

29...and that's the story; when God destroyed the cities of the plain, he was mindful of Abraham and first got Lot out of there before He blasted those cities off the face of the Earth.

and if Lot would have just had the faith to head to the mountains first, instead of negotiating to go to the other nearby town, might things have ended up different for Him?  God, after all, was SAVING  him.  Delivering him from imminent destruction and he didn't trust him to go where he was telling him to go???

Which brings up another great point; even when God is offering us a way out, it takes faith to take it!!!

So, because of Abe, God saves Lot, but in the end, Lot's daughter's sleep with their Dad and give birth to the Moabites and Ammonites who then become two of Israel's (Abraham's) greatest enemies.

In summary.  Though we CAN negotiate with God, does it always end up to our benefit to do so?

What if we choose NOT to negotiate.  What if we just choose to trust Him.  To trust His ways.  To bow to His sovereignty.  Even when we're scared.  Fearful.  Frightened.  What if we just trust Him, knowing that He is for us and not against us and that He'll do the right thing.

Would our lives perhaps, just perhaps, be messed up less if we choose to stay out of His way, instead of stand in His way?

Even the genealogy brings encouragement...

I'm reading in Matthew this morning.   Starting at chapter 1.  Good place to start, eh?

Except that, chapter 1 starts with the genealogy of Jesus.  BORING.  I sooooo wanted to skip it.

Except for, I felt like the Spirit was saying "read it."

So, drudgingly, I forced myself to read through...Abe was the father of Isaac, Isaac was the father of Jacob.  Jacob was the father of Judah and his brothers.  Judah was the father of Perez and Zerah (whose mother was Tamar)...and on, and on, and on...

As certain names popped up, I was reminded of a couple of things:

1.  Jesus' family wasn't perfect either.
2.  God used imperfect people to do His will.

And...He wants to use you.... and me.

Though people messed up, and weren't perfect, God's plan continued and continues to unfold, and that plan, my friend, includes you.

You know the bible is alive and active when even a boring genealogy encourages you.