Spiritual Chaos

I feel normal today for the first time in about two weeks. Monday morning, March 23rd, I woke up at 3am, and I woke up at 3am darn near every day after that until today. Last night I finally slept all night.

During that time, I had a couple of people tell me that God was waking me up. I know that God does that sometimes, but to be honest, I had a hard time believing that God would disturb my sleep at 3am, when He knew that I would wake up at 5am and meet with Him anyway.

So, finally, after about a week of this chaos, I got up one morning, angry. And I said to God, "God, I refuse to believe that it's you waking me up, and the only way I'll believe it, is if you make it clear to me. Lord, if it's you, then in my scripture reading this morning, may you mention, in scripture, that you 'wake us up'."

My scripture reading that morning was Zechariah 4. The first verse I read said, "Then the angel of the Lord awakened me." Praise God, now I at least knew that it was indeed Him waking me up, and not the enemy, and not insomnia...but what does He want??

So the next mornings He continued to awaken me, but instead of me getting frustrated by being awakened, I would simply wake up and say, "yes Lord". Sometimes I got out of bed, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I grabbed my Bible, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I could feel His presence, sometimes I couldn't. But the one thing that was consistent every night is that God would bring up various people that He has involved in my life right now, and various circumstances that He has me in involving those people...and as He would bring them up, we would pray for them. To be honest, sometimes, no, a lot of the time, it seemed like chaos. The people and circumstances would flash through my mind so quickly, that it just seemed like chaos. Almost like God was saying, "I'm doing this and this and this and this and this" all the while quickly flashing the mental images through my brain while He was saying it.

By yesterday, Friday, I could hardly keep my eyes opened, I was so tired. In fact, I nodded off once at my desk yesterday. Later in the afternoon, I was driving to see a client of mine, and as I was driving, I was thinking of the events of the past two weeks. I was thinking, "it just seems chaotic. I can't really make sense out of why You have me awake God. It seems like You're doing something bigger than I can understand." About the time I got that thought out of my brain, this song came on the radio. The song summed up my feelings perfectly. And the timing of it was such confirmation from God, as if to say, "yeah, you're right, my ways are higher than your ways, you can't quite fully grasp it, but I'm doing something bigger than you..."

Thanks God for whatever it is you're doing. Thank you for calling me to pray. Thank you for once again answering my thoughts with such sweet confirmation through this song...."

As the chorus said...

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life
something Heavenly
Something Heavenly





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06AgY5Xoavw